Bad news

In about 6 months it will be time for us to start applying for jobs. Sam has started looking at places to apply. If you apply at more places you are more likely to receive an offer right? So Sam is searching for everything!! A friend of his in another chamber in the same courthouse told Sam that his clerkship would be open and that Sam should apply. It would be for an appellate court which means not much except it would get us a 50K signing bonus if/when he signed with a large firm later on. Sounds great right, except we would be in South Bend FOR TWO MORE YEARS!! It was the first time in my life I had a suicidal thought. Never threw my divorce or growing up with my mom being sick did I ever think death would be better than living, but I CAN NOT do 2 MORE years in this horribly cold, snowy, isolated place!! I signed up for 3 years for Law. Then I had to resign for 2 more years for this clerkship but every time I saw the end in sight and knew going back to Arizona was within my grasp. But if we keep agreeing to more years it is only a matter of time BEFORE I AM STUCK HERE FOREVER!!! It is not our only option, and Sam agreed to apply to everything every where, but I told him that if he stays here longer that he could send us postcards. I stay in this house all day every day with 3 kids. I always fall into depression during the winters here. It happens every year but It is really starting to effect me. I cried when Sam told me about the possibility of staying her. We have to have a job so a job anywhere is great, but Sam might have to visit me and his kids at my folks house when he has a long weekend!

9 comments:

The Studes said...

please dont be suicidal that would make me really sad.. i can relate to how yo feel though.

MegRich said...

Boo! Although 50K signing bonus is pretty sweet. Maybe you could work a deal with Sam where that 50K would be yours to spend on retail therapy so you don't fall into depression. But I would much rather have you here in AZ! I'm keeping my fingers crossed (and saying my prayers!).

Rina said...

Well, I don't think Indiana is SO bad you have to consider suicide, although if it weren't for having Brad's and my families here we would not be here either. And I know how you feel because I felt the same way living in New Hampshire for 2 years. I HATED IT! Good luck making your decision.

Rina said...

PS. I had to scroll down to see what the horrible music was that you have playing on your blog. (I usually really like your blog music.) Bieber? Really? Tell me that is for Piper.

salena said...

sometimes i want a change from AZ, but i know i couldnt handle being stuck inside all day because of the snow and cold.
I hope things work out to where you find a job in warmer weather..or closer to family!

Grammy of 9 said...

Do we need to get started on that Richardson suite yet?

Leesa said...

You poor girl!! I hope he can find something in a warmer place. :)

Becca said...

We will start talking to ALL our lawyer friends out here. I am sure we can find a good comprimise for you. Call me you silly and cry together with me.

Elliott Mom said...

I feel ya on the being stuck inside. I've done better this year, so far...but we'll see how I feel come March and still snowing! Last year was awful - I was dealing with some post partum depression after the twins, and having new babies and gross weather...ICK!!!

But please don't be suicidal...that would be sad. :)